Dear Kaitlin Olson,

You're so great. Honestly, you're so, so great. You're hilarious! Your timing is genius, paired with a wonderful sense of comedic physicality. The character of Deandra "Sweet Dee" Reynolds could not be better suited to you and you fast became one of my favorite jocular characters in the history of television. Your use of self deprecating humor and naiveté is a lovely compliment to the other outrageous characters and your never ending string of "Goddamnit you guys!" exclamations have warmed my heart. I was immediately prepared to offer you my BFFship, based soley on your boyish long sleeved shirts under tees, selectively curling ironed pieces of hair, and this.

And then, I found out you were a ducks fan.

WHAT?! Fuck. Are you SERIOUS? You broke my heart and crapped all over it. The only thing worse than a degree in Theatre Arts is a Theatre Arts degree from University of Piece of Shit Oregon! I take all of my admiration and respect back, forever and ever. Seriously. You were a rising star in a land of too few successful funny women, you had such potential. And you throw it all away for the shitty shitty shmucky ducks?! And these atrocious uniforms?? What...why would you.....how is it...I don't...WTF?

What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Oregon campus? A visitor. Go disappear in a cave, suck hole. Make sure you take this bitch with you. Your mascot is a a duck. A goddamned Disney character! Nicknamed "Webfoots" and "Puddles"!! How is that even supposed to come close to this regal, awe-inspiring creature?

Prefontaine is dead!! GET OVER IT! Oregon? More like Boregon. More like Whoregon! In 1932 the Oregon football team was nicnamed the "ducks" by the student newspaper because that's what the players had to do in order to avoid the horrible looking cheerleaders. No wonder Mac and Dennis and Charlie give you shit day in and day out.

Thanks for nothing,

Sarah