1. Denial. "At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer". You're not really gone, silly sandwich. I can still feel your grainy bread on my fingers. How could I still have pieces of you in my teeth if you didn't exist? Stop pretending. Don't talk to me right now office mate!! My sandwich is pretending to be gone.

2. Anger. "The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt, or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it." I just cannot believe I ate you so fast. What's wrong with me?? I wasn't even that hungry, I absolutely could have waited another 30 minutes. So stupid, so rash, am I! You weren't even that good anyway! Nobody wants plain turkey and cheese sandwiches! Even the trench coat albino guy around the corner eats better lunches than you, sandwich.

3. Bargaining. "Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, 'If I do this, will you take away the loss?'" OkayokayOKAY. You know I was just kidding. I'm still hungry. God, if you give me my sandwich back I won't eat my 3:15 break time pretzels. And I'll only have one Fresca a day for the rest of the week. Just don't let my sandwich be gone. I'm not ready to go back to work. Do we have a deal? I'm not ready!!

4. Depression. "The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath." *staring at my monitors like they're magic eye posters and not talking for 20 minutes.

5. Acceptance. "This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss." La-la-la. I wonder if BWE has any updates? OMG wtf is wrong with Stephen Baldwin??

sad sandwich