fallout shelter handbook

Hello grown up land. My name is Sarah, I'm 25 years old, and I was extremely close to joining you. I've dealt with stock options, am college educated, have a real person job, and I finally started reading the news in my RSS before the fashion blogs. My whole life was supposedly in preparation to be one of you. Then you went and sharted all over yourself. I'm going home and I'm taking my ball with me!!

It's so overwhelming. Everyone I know, respect, or interact with seem to be on the same page of common sense. So...howwhywhaaa? Tim Robbins was recently on the The Daily Show and summed it up as briefly and astutely as possible, saying, "I want a smart person to run this country". You just cannot argue with Merlin. Someone once enlightened me with the fact that Tim Robbins is the only actor in Hollywood that is over 5'6", which is absolutely true. Tall and wise…good for you Susan Sarandon. I digress. I don't want to hand my livelihood over to a clod. That's all, it's that simple. Since all the adjusted and capable people out there seem to understand this, it's time everyone else put down their retard cocktails so I can stop looking at bomb shelters online*. I'm going to give myself an ulcer thinking about it, and who knows if I'll still have health insurance in a few weeks.

All this time I thought I was paying my dues for entrance into a productive and functional society. I get up early. I take vitamins. I floss daily!! What else do you want from me, real world? FINE. I'll stop shopping at the little girl's department of Target. I'll even stop watching the new 90210, despite the fact Michael is in it (btw Barack's favorite show is The Wire…no big deal). Is that enough? Does that make me adult enough to understand how this level 3 shit storm is possible? Good thing I was too lazy to start my 401K. Take that, bitches!

This is the prime of my life here kids. So let's just cut the shit and stop ignoring the smart people in America. No more finger pointing, no She-Bush, no buzzwords, and no dunces. Please? Because right now the thought of being an adult American makes me want to run back to sleeping in until 3PM and beer pong with open arms. Don't make me hand over all my hard work to a truculent, geriatric goblin and a pantomimic, zealot gremlin. It's unjust. You can't give me a blackberry one day and make me stand in a bread line the next - that's not the way it's supposed to work. Tom Joad didn't have Google, dammit! Ugggh. I want this to be over.

In closing, Bristol Palin has huge boobs.

* I'll probably never stop looking at bomb shelters online, because they rule. They're like forts on steroids! But I'd prefer looking for pleasure than necessity. Not to mention I would need to be able to get a mortgage to have a yard to put it in.